You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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