i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
Randomize
