it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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