i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
Randomize
