Your mouth is God's brothel.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Randomize
