you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Randomize
