My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Randomize
