so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
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