okay pat passed out under dana's car
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
