The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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