I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize
