I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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