I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
