Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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