This dress was meant to end up on your floor
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Come share oat with me in your robe
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
