words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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