dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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