just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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