Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Randomize
