i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
