your room smells of hookers.
And success
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize
