I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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