She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize
