woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
Your message has been received by an unknown user. Picture verification required.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
