honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
