I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
Do vagina's smell?
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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