I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
