my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Holy sore nipples Batman
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
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