This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
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