Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Randomize
