you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
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