well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Randomize
