I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
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