he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
