i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
