your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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