I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
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