you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Randomize
