I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
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