we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
