my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
