Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
