I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Randomize
