you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
