He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Randomize
