wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
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