I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
i came on her dog
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
Randomize
