That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
