omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Randomize