my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
