I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
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