It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
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Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
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Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize