Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Randomize
