I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
