Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
you had me at cake vodka
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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