I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
