I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
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