It's Friday. Sex?
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.