It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
21 Embarrassing Stories From Adults Who’ve Crapped Their Pants
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
21 People Confess What It’s Really Like At An Orgy
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?