I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in