fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Randomize
