if you like me you must not know who I am
I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize
