I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Randomize
