this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
