just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
