so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Randomize
