____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
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