I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Randomize
