We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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