I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
