i jhust puked up my retainher.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
