I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
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Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
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Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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