Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Randomize