her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
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