So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
We are all done wearing pants today
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
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