im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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