Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
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