I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
everyone is single if you try hard enough
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
